Is Winky D’s ‘One Big Party’ An Ode To ZANU PF? The Answer May Surprise You!

By Wena Crook 

Over the past decade and a half, Winky D has established himself as not only one of his generation’s most iconic artists, but as one of the most popular individuals in the country. Much of this has been rooted in his sociopolitical commentary, which has earned him the title, “Poor People’s Devotee.” 

Furthermore, the Gafa, has also made numerous references to Zimbabwean party politics; whether implied (Gafa Party, Gafa Chete Chete) or more explicit (Dzemudanga etc.)

Naturally, this affinity has led to speculation on whether the Jabhuna choirmaster will ever consider electoral politics. These rumors have made it back to our collective timelines with the recent release of the big man’s “Big Party” EP and, in particular, the lead single therefrom, One Big Party.

A deputy receptionist at the Ministry of Information has allegedly contacted the press (amply watering the grapevine) to declare that they have it on good authority that the song, released in the wake of Constitutional Amendment Bill No. 3, was secretly a manifesto for the party. 

“Think about it,” the sweaty underling said animatedly, “One big party? There is only one big party in this country! It was a matter of time before Winky D made his way home.”

So what do you think? Is the Ninja president pivoting?

No. Of course not. Don't be ridiculous.

“It’s Always ‘Go See Victor’ And Never ‘Go See How Victor is Doing!’” Nation’s Most Famous Runner Decries Neglect

By Wena Crook 

Bemoaning how Sir Wicknell Chivayo's now-famous instruction to beneficiaries to "Go See Victor!" had made him one of the most recognisable names in Zimbabwe while reducing him to little more than a glorified dispenser of car keys, Victor said he was tired of nobody asking how he was doing.

“Do you people even know what my totem is? What my surname is? Just once, it would be nice to hear ‘how have you been lately?’” he bemoaned as he hurriedly dug through drawers for three sets of Aqua keys for some Rhumba artists that recently performed at a rally in Kitsiyatota.

“Last time, one of the national team players, the one from the other blue team, was here to pick up his keys. I tried to tell him how I had scored a hat-trick at my church’s Family Sunday Play-Off, and he wasn’t even trying to hear me,” Victor lamented. 

He added: “The player said ‘Sorry, Vincent …Sir told me to just get the keys; I’ve got places to be.’ Vincent! Me? Unohwa seunotsva.”

At press time, Victor was flipping through the photo folder, showing our team of reporters pictures of the last time he was back at his rural home, before a phone call from his boss telling him that a Magician he had seen doing tricks at ZITF was on his way to pick up a car.