25 Swear Words And Phrases To Help You Through The Pressures Of The Day - The Power Of Profane Expletives

By The Reporters; Intertwined-Zimbabwe.

HARARE, ZIMBABWE — Okay. We are just going to head straight into it. No brief write-up to motivate you out of your wretched and shitty world of adulting [adulting is a scam bruh!]. No parental guidance needed either. Just make sure your kids don't get hold of this inspiring and uplifting work. 

The Reporters [under tremendous social difficulties] carried out some incredibly far-reaching, deeper-than-deep, and extensive research, approved and sanctioned by the Supreme Editor of INTERTWINED ZW, just to come up with this easy-to-digest list of swear words to help you throughout the day. 

For your convenience, dear Intertwined Zim readers.

Also, make sure you don't accidentally and purposely blurt out these bad English curse words in front of your family, boss, or pastor. Especially around your kids — say them in your heart when you're around kids. 

You don't want 5-year-old and 10-year-old sons and daughters to have their sweet blissful innocence korrupted in this intrusive manner. Having them chant fuck! at creche or primary schools.

Nope. Suffer with your adulthood alone. Don't include children in your messy mess.

READ: 20-Year-Old Avondale Woman Already Tweeting That Adulting Is A Scam Bruh

Now, allow The Reporters to give you some free Therapy, and, no, it is definitely not fucked up. In fact, this shite is priceless, damn. 

OK OK, Here We Fucking Go:

1. Fuck. 
2. Shit. 
3. What Tha Fuck (exclaimed with either a ? or a !)
4. Holy Fuck. 
5. Fuckshit. 
6. Shitfuck. 
7. Fucking shit.
8. Jesus Christ. 
9. Clusterfuck. 
10. What in the fucking fuck ?! 
11. A fucking flying fuck (as in, 'I don't give a fucking flying fuck'. Never catch flying fucks, please).
12. Shitty.
13. Damn/Goddamnit! 
14. Fucked up. 
15. Fucked bullshit. 
16. Fucking bullshit. 
17. Shitload. 
18. Holy Mary Mother of Jesus (use it mostly when perplexed, flabbergasted, or in times of the utmost shock).
19. Jesus Fucking Christ (this one is not highly recommended, deploy it cautiously and clandestinely). 
20. Jesus Christ of Fucking Nazareth. What The Fuck? (see 19. above). 
21. Motherfucker. 
22. What in the motherfucking fuck is this fucking bullshit (this is some chakra level). 
23. The fuck do I know? 
24. Fuck you (the locus classicus of swearing). 
25. Fuck my life/fuck me/I'm fucked.

Honourable Mentions:

• Fuck this shit. 
• Motherfucking bastard; you fucked up. 
• Arsehole. 
• Fucking piece of shite. 
• Dickhead.
• Bloody hell (elite profanity for Christ's sake, Jesus!)
• Fuck off.
• Piss off. 
• Drown in your piss you fucking retard (protect your teeth soon after uttering this explosive expletive).
• This fucking wanker. 
• Bollocks! (you may come off as an admirer of the British; the bloody word means testicles - never forget the exclamation when uttering it).
• Shit is difficult. 
• Bitch/whore. 

Now, go have a good day. When it gets rough, this article (contrary to convention, nothing contained herein is socially offensive - oh, such a weak disclaimer, sincere apologies) will guide you to blissful numbness, tolerance, and stoicism.

The power of profane expletives. The healing.

The SUPREME EDITOR'S NOTE: When life gets utterly shitty and incredibly fucked up or down, a little dose of profanity might help. In actuality, it will help. 

Priceless Advice from our Therapist in this fucking capitalist world (yep, our The Reporters have a therapist in the newsroom). 

Incontrovertibly supreme Advice. Unrivalled preponderance. If you're an artist, this is for you. Real art is uncensored; hell it is (ditto Dambudzo Marechera). We say no to censored art and nefarious censorship boards.