Local 25-year-old Man Swears He Perfectly Hears All Young Thug Lyrics Without Help from Lyric App Genius

By Intertwined-Zimbabwe

PALMERSTON, MUTARE – At a local music and media workshop among hood fiends held at a nearby jazzman’s base in the eastern city of Mutare in Zimbabwe, a 25-year-old man reportedly swore that he does not need the help of Genius in deciphering the lyrics of American hip-hop star Young Thug; arguing with his soul that he hears all Young Thug lyrics without any need whatsoever of searching for lyrics. 

Simbarashe Mahara from Palmerston in Mutare, who identifies himself as a life-long Young Thug fan with all the Slime rituals, scoffed at music novices who keep referring to lyrics from search engines on the Internet, saying they are faking in their purported love for YSL head honcho. The Reporters managed to get some insight from the Young Thug devotee, who swore with his life that Young Thug is not a mumble rapper. 
 
“See, if you’re a true fan of YSL, you don’t need Genius or any other silly lyric sites that Google shows you when it comes to hearing what Thugga says, error-free. Some of us know all Young Thug lyrics by head, from his earliest songs to the latest. Those who use Genius when listening to Young Thug are still joking. They make us appear stupid.”  
 
“I swear with my life, I hear all Young Thug lyrics pristinely. It’s a tad sad that some of these wannabe rappers tryna do some trap shit here in Zim have trash quality and their flows are just whack. Those who say Young Thug is a mumble rapper don’t know music at all. Those backings, Jesus! Now that’s music nigga!”  
 
Mahara would not listen to the objections of Fireman, his jazzman, going to such lengths as saying some of Fireman’s weed does not match that smoked by Young Thug.  
 
“Even this bush weed here is just whack, Young Thug doesn’t smoke this rubbish. I only come here ‘coz I ain’t got no other option. Palmerston kinda sucks with these plugs. But I don’t have time to go down the projects in Sakubva or Dvat for some quality shit. My bitch be complaining that I’m bringing her some trash weed. She schemes I’m shady or some other gwans like that. It’s just some fucked up shit man.” 
 
The Reporters confirmed that Mahara and his gang in the hood do not tolerate any Young Thug slander and are in the uncanny habit of only listening to Zimbabwean hip hop music that has “blown-up.”  
 
The Reporters also confirmed that indeed Simbarashe Mahara’s phone does not have the Genius app, though that of his close nigga Andrew Taisiireva has Genius, and Shazam, too.  
 
By the time the local music and media workshop at Fireman’s base ended, Mahara was still mesmerized by Young Thug’s line on Constantly Hating (ft. Birdman), “Nigga I’m a crack addict”, though he told The Reporters that he is scared of “hard drugs” given the meth pandemic that has taken Zimbabwe’s urban youths by storm, while parents are frantically attempting their own version of the ‘War on Drugs’. In Zimbabwe. 

 

Vainona Woman Asks for Two-Hour Leave At Work So That She Can Send Her Children To School

By Intertwined-Zimbabwe

HIGHLANDS, HARARE – A local woman in the capital was at loggerheads with an obstinate HR at her workplace after she requested a much-needed two-hour leave just to send her children to school. She fears her glorious motherhood years are going down the drain. 

Image sourced from property.co.zw for the purposes of emphasizing Vainona-based young family

Marilyn Kutyauripo, a 36-year-old woman based in Vainona, Harare, asked for the leave at her workplace (We Floor It Tiles Pvt. Ltd in Highlands, Harare) after the principal at Busyday Kindergarten in Pomona, Harare had sent her a heavily worded 10-page letter bitterly complaining about the awful time management she subjects her two children (a 5-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son) to; as the two unsuspecting children are always late on each and every day that the Lord created on this earth. 

In her request for the leave addressed to the head of HR at We Floor It Tiles Pvt. Ltd in Highlands that The Reporters saw first-hand before Daily News, H-Metro, and Nehanda Radio got wind of it, Mrs. Kutyauripo was helplessly desperate.

“I write this letter requesting a leave of two hours only, nothing more and nothing less, so that I can send my children to school as their head Mrs. Van der Ligt at Busyday has raised the issue of late-coming time and again and she will not have any of it anymore.

I request this leave so that I can send my two children Rudo-Loveness and Mark-Aiden Kutyauripo to school timeously so that they can learn their English alphabets in a time-conscious manner that will not affect their overall childhood development. I only wish the best for them and they deserve more.

I am only a young mother with a seriously busy academic husband at a reputable institution here in the capital - and I am only trying to get sense of workplace demands and family-raising in a manner that will not be injurious to the interests of all parties affected here.

Your co-operation here, in this regard, will go an extremely long way towards alleviating this labour malaise, so that my children benefit, while my productivity here at the gloriously prolific and lovely We Floor It Tiles Pvt. Ltd is undisturbed.

You will be eternally thanked. Just two hours.

Yours Sincerely,

Marilyn Kutyauripo (Accounting Officer).”

 

The head of Human Resources at We Floor It Tiles Pvt. Ltd Mr. Allen Green confirmed to The Reporters that Marilyn Kutyauripo, who indeed works as an Accounting Officer at their Highlands branch, had sent her request for leave at 06.00 in the morning.

“We received a request for leave from our Accounting Officer one Marilyn Kutyauripo at 06.00 in the morning via email. The printed version came a mere 30 minutes later. We recently gave her a 5-hour leave just two weeks ago. And now she demands another one. We told her on several, infinite occasions that Rudo-Loveness and Mark-Aiden can learn at pre-school centres either here in Highlands or Vainona, to which we would gladly and joyously avail an allowance for, and not in Pomona. But standards. You know these trendy modern urban women. We told her sending those kids to Pomona would be costly in production time and actual school fees.

Her eccentric husband from the Borrowdale Institute of Labour Relations, which is notorious for baseless claims against gainful employers like us yet we are all situated in North Samora, once stormed our offices here in Highlands with some unscrupulous labour lawyer from The Avenues demanding that if these leaves are not granted the matter will be taken to the Labour Court on Rotten Row. But we assured them that the situation is under control and strongly highlighted to them how litigation will leave them without money to send the very same children to Busyday Kindergarten. But we also said that litigious action against We Floor It Tiles Pvt. Ltd will result in management withdrawing the Honda Fit Hybrid we gave to Marilyn Kutyauripo so that she can do all her errands. We’ll see if we can grant the leave.” 

At the time of writing, The Reporters could not get any further comments from Mrs. Kutyauripo or Mr. Green on whether the leave had been granted; or whether Rudo-Loveness Kutyauripo and Mark-Aiden Kutyauripo had been ferried to school.

 

Meanwhile, Mr. Davison Kutyauripo (Professor at the Borrowdale Institute of Labour Relations) who happens to be the husband of the helplessly desperate Marilyn Kutyauripo, said to The Reporters that if We Floor It Tiles Pvt. Ltd continued with their “brazen woman-exploitation”, he would be left with no other option on this earth except to compel labour officers and designated officers to take action. Or take it up the Labour Court.

 

“This brazen woman-exploitation cannot continue unabated. The dearly-supreme Constitution and haphazard Labour Act and Criminal Code should make it a crystal-clear crime with heavy deterrent punishment if our beautiful and youthful women are now forced to choose between capitalism and their family obligations. Making women choose between capitalism and family is abominable.”

He continued, “Not even useless perks like a Honda Fit Hybrid will do any good if my wife can’t send our children early to school. Now every day that the Lord created we have to beg Mrs. Van der Ligt at Busyday not to terminate our children’s stay there. This is unacceptable.

Perhaps labour officers, designated agents, and that Labour Court are the only recourse. The Constitutional Court is not even out of reach at this stage. Mr. Green is stuck up in his comforts - he thinks I use my wife and her workplace as some sort of class struggle basis for the theses on alienation I'm furiously working on at the Borrowdale Institute of Labour Relations.”