“We Can’t Believe It” – Nation Says After Thing That Always Happens Happens Again

By The Reporters 

On the morning of October 1st, the nation woke up to zeitgeist-altering news. While some reacted in sorrow and others in glee, the citizenry was united in astonishment.

“Honestly, I didn’t see this coming!” declared local newsboy, Nimrod Macharangwanda, “Who could have imagined that such people doing such things would end up like this?”

We spoke to Dr. Gobo Bajampas, professor of popular histories at Midlands State University, and he explained that “Honestly, we haven’t seen anything like this since…when, two years ago? And before that, there was the high profile case during lockdown. But before then? Well I guess there was that one thing at the farm. But before then, it was all the Benzes and the front ti..I got distracted, what are we talking about again?”

There currently is no news on when the next such tragedy is scheduled, but authorities have promised that, when it’s time, the nation won’t miss it.

Jah Prayzah Just Confirmed As The Newest Widow In Town

By The Reporters

In a sad twist of events, popular musician Jah Prayzah has just been confirmed as the newest widow in town following the death of his most beloved benefactor Wicknell Chivayo. The Reporters can confirm that Jah Prayzah was inconsolable when the tragic news reached him, as it now dawned on him that he really has to take music seriously now as his primary occupation. "This is what we have. This is the situation we have. It's very sad, and all I can say to you is that life is never going to be the same again," Jah Prayzah said. "As you know, my real calling is music. Lately, it had started feeling like a side hustle, but given the tragedy I have immensely suffered, it's obviously time to get down to brass tacks," he added, saying the pun was intended. The uncertainty that has befallen the musician's newfound fortunes is widely considered by analysts to have catastrophic repercussions. At press time, Jah Prayzah had fully confirmed to The Reporters that he was feeling lonely "like never before."