Zimbabwe’s Department of Public Inconvenience Assures Citizens of More Inconveniences, And There Won’t Be Any Sincere Regrets

By The Reporters

HARARE – True to its revolutionary and unwavering fashion, Zimbabwe’s Department of Public Inconvenience (DOPI), which is under the purview of Ministry of Home Affairs, gave rock-solid assurances to the country’s patriotic and unpatriotic citizens that a lot more exasperating public inconveniences will be the order of the day as we joyously enter in 2024—and that DOPI will not convey any sincere regrets for the inconveniences caused since it is assiduously working round the clock to beat the Second Republic’s deadline of Vision 2030 for a middle-income economy. 

In a hastily arranged press conference at the imposing Public Affairs Building on New Year’s Eve, the Head Chairperson of DOPI Cde Tasimba Mashayamombe said that public inconveniences remain the sole definitive feature in the country to distinguish, beyond any reasonable doubt, patriotic and unpatriotic citizens; with a stern warning that hotspots such as passport offices will multiply the inconveniences a hundred times. 

“The problem we are facing in this country, and which must be addressed with pressing alacrity, is that of born-frees and a motley of other counter-revolutionaries hell bent on tarnishing the image of Zimbabwe and most importantly, the image of the glorious Second Republic. It has come to our attention that any little inconvenience experienced allegedly at the behest of Home Affairs and DOPI, then a person rushes to X and Facebook and starts calling for the West to bomb this great rising country of Zimbabwe, a towering beacon of hope for everyone to see,” Mashayamombe said. 

He further stated that those who endure the public inconveniences without registering any complaints are the truest and most patriotic citizens of the country, as they perfectly understand the history of Zimbabwe and the current works of the Second Republic to change Zimbabwe. “These spoilt kids, do they know that under Smith’s Rhodesia we did not even have all these luxuries. We go to war, spill our precious blood for you, and actually die for you only to complain of trivial issues saying the economy is not working—an economy we won through war. We commend those who have gone through the inconveniences silently, we will handsomely rewards them in the near future.” An effort to confirm this development by Intertwined’s The Reporters from Home Affairs Minister at the time of printing was fruitless, as it surfaced that he is on holiday in Dubai, UAE.